It is all about communication, they say. Just talk enough to each other and you will be fine. It is key to express thoughts and feelings towards each other. But is it really that easy? Is the fact that we talk enough in itself? Or does the way how we say or do not say it matter much more? What is really key and what is communication in a relationship all about?
Some people are perfectly happy outside a relationship as they have no one to explain themselves to, no one to report to and no one to have to communicate to. The whole idea of “working on a relationship” by talking to each other and bla bla bla…just no.
And then, as things happen in life, you meet this one person you want to work for and with. All of a sudden, the idea of communicating thoughts, feelings, time of arrival at home, etc. are not an issue any more as it is worth it. And it is not difficult at all. It flows seamlessly; so it seems. Even the fact that your common language is the second language for both of you is not an issue. I mean, how many of us have said or heard “it just works, we know from each other what the other person means, we find a way”?
Is that so? How do we explain then the sudden “vicious attacks” against each other after yet another misunderstanding? And is it really a misunderstanding or do we understand all the way already that we do not understand each other due to verbal barriers?
Yes, we do speak the same language and yes we both attach, most of the time, a similar meaning to words. But is this enough? Some people are more verbal than others and take a different route to express themselves. Some people wildly wave their hands in the air almost threatening any normal observant around. Some people just state simple (sometimes too simple) sentences and assume that the actual intention is clear so that no further effort in the word choice needs to be put. Some people are extremely verbal and can express themselves to the point. To their point that is. They see words as tools and have the feeling, potentially falsely, they could justify any given choice of wording at any given moment. And now? When the described three people are in one room as friends having a discussion about art or politics, this could be a fun combination with an interesting outcome. When any of those people are in a relationship longing for some sort of communication without an additional thought of “how to phrase my thought or feeling”…we have a problem. How do we overcome this humongous gap between two people? The gap that we have not seen. The gap that makes communication so hard. The gap that makes us wonder whether intention and feeling are really enough.
