A couple of days ago I had coffee with a colleague in the sun enjoying a self declared “deserved” break from our professional routines. Of course the conversation led to boys boys boys. And it was very targeted as we both knew exactly what the other one meant since we, like hundreds of other men and women, have been there – the on and off thing. How come almost everybody had or even still has this one person we cannot get over or, maybe, rid of? And, is it us, him, or both?
The symptoms are always the same. Usually, we had some sort of a relationship with that person before. Not necessarily a long and meaningful one, although that can happen. This relationship could have had various forms and there was serious tension between the two of you. And we all know what I mean. Interestingly, some victims reduce this tension to a purely physical satisfaction of needs. But caution is in order as, with no emotions attached to it, there is no feeling of unrest triggered by the on-off situation. Actually, the situation is not even perceived as on nor off as there is no situation. Hence, ladies and gentlemen, acceptance is the first step to cure.
The second symptom is the continuation of contact. Again, multiple forms are possible. Either we continue to fight and make up. Or we continue to party and make out. Or, a classic, we decide to stay friends and have this almost spiritual connection on this special level due to our history. Sure…
The last thing we all have in common is our inability (or unwillingness?) to change anything about the situation. Really! We all tried. Honestly! And we keep on trying. On a daily basis. We say every time “this is the last time” but then throw all our promises away once we receive a message, bump into each other, purely accidentally of course, talk to mutual friends, feel bad because we are actually seeing somebody else… Which brings me to our favourite sentence: Does he have a radar for me starting to feel happy with somebody else?
Fellow victims, he does not. And, I am afraid, most of these things are playing only in our head because we are the ones who do not want to let it go. For whatever reason. We want him, or her, to be our on and off situation. But maybe, only maybe, our counter party wants it too?
[...] The on-off guy October 2009 [...]